I have a shameful confession: I have been watching the new 90210 show. This is especially embarrassing because not only is it lowest-common-denominator teenybopper trash, but it’s not even well done trash. Whereas viewership of One Tree Hill or Gossip Girl can be defended because they provide an endless stream of over-the-top soapy action and questionably awesome fashion, 90210 has NOTHING to redeem it. It is a badly written, poorly acted, atrociously styled timesuck. But that’s not even the worst part! To add insult to injury, this show is dead dull. Like, it rivals the director’s cut of Das Boot for sheer sleep-inducing torpor. So bad.
“That’s great,” you’re thinking, “now I know you’re a loser who should have her TV privileges revoked. But what does this have to do with snickerdoodles?”
Well, in addition to the fact that a plate of snickerdoodles has more personality than all of the 90210 characters combined (fact!), snickerdoodles were prominently featured in this week’s episode. Fresh-from-the-Kansas-farm Annie baked a batch of snickerdoodles in a desperate attempt to redeem herself in the eyes of resident musician-actor-hunk-about-town Ty.
Go Fug Yourself, my idols in snarkdom, recently wrote about what’s wrong with the whole show, and they rightly called Annie out on this pathetic behavior. In the process, they deemed the offending cookies Snickerdoodles of Lust, which I found absolutely hilarious, for reasons that cannot be fully explained. My husband suggested that we form a band just so we could use the name. “We’re Snickerdoodles of Lust! Are you ready to rock, Springfield?!”
So the afternoon wore on, the joke persisted, and pretty soon…I was craving snickerdoodles. Nay, I was lusting for snickerdoodles. So I ended up making my own Snickerdoodles of Lust, and even though Annie claimed it took her “all night” to make them, it was less than an hour, start to finish.
To make them more lust-worthy, I added a little spice to the dough: just a pinch of cinnamon, cloves, and ginger, to give them an extra flavor boost. No wonder Ty took Annie back at the end of the episode–it’s impossible to resist warm snickerdoodles fresh from the oven, with a crispy outer coating of sugar and spice and a soft, melting interior.
For the cookies:
3 cups AP flour
2 tsp cream of tartar
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp cloves
1/4 tsp ginger
1 cup (2 sticks, or 8 oz) butter, softened to room temp
1-1/3 cup granulated sugar
2 eggs, at room temperature
1 tsp vanilla extract
To roll the cookies:
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1 tbsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp cloves
1/2 tsp ginger
Preheat the oven to 350. In a large bowl sift or whisk together the flour, cream of tartar, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, ginger, and cloves.
In the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, cream the butter and sugar together until light and fluffy, 1-2 minutes. Add the eggs one at a time, beating until they are fully incorporated. Add the vanilla and scrape down the sides of the mixing bowl. Add the dry ingredients and mix on low speed until well-blended. I think these cookies are better after the dough has chilled for a few hours, but you can make them right away if you want–they’ll just be a little flatter.
Combine the sugar and spices used for rolling the cookies in a bowl. Scoop small spoonfuls of cookie dough and roll them between your palms to get nice balls. Roll them in the spiced sugar, and place them on cookie sheets covered with silpats or parchment.
Bake at 350 for 10-12 minutes, until they are set, lightly golden, and crinkly on top. Cool on cookie sheets for 1 minute, then transfer to a wire rack to cool completely.
[Random postscript: I have had Lou Reed's "Satellite of Love" stuck in my head since writing this post, and I'm trying desperately to re-write the lyrics to fit "Snickerdoodles of Lust." Any takers?]